So, this week I’m going to write a post that’s a little different than usual. I know it’s Avatar pre-release weekend, and I’m as excited about it as anyone else (I’m actually attending an event in a couple hours), but I wanted to take a moment to share a more personal anecdote that I feel will be relatable to a lot of people.
This weekend I went to a family wedding, and even though it wasn’t a convention, I found myself using a lot of the same mental tricks I lean on when I’m at big events. Social interactions can be (and for me, often are) overwhelming — whether it’s an expo floor, a pre-release, or a room full of relatives you haven’t seen in years. Like… a lot of years.
So here are a few things that helped me get through it, in case they help you too:
1. Find an “anchor person” (or two)
At conventions this might be a friend or someone you met in line. At the wedding, it was my girlfriend. Just having one person you can make eye contact with when things get intense makes a huge difference. I was actually lucky enough that not only did I have my girlfriend with me at the table, but I also had my brother beside me. This is an easy win when you’ve got someone physically beside you, but for those of us doing solo conventions, even just having one friend/acquaintance at the con you can contact virtually is often a good enough start, and, if you’re lucky, you can convince them to tag along. So, if you don’t have one, your first job should always be to find someone to (at least temporarily) be a buddy. Which brings me to my next tip…
2. Give yourself a small mission.
When I’m at cons, having a goal (“get three cosplay photos,” “go to two panels a day”, etc.) keeps me grounded. At the wedding, my “mission” was simple: talk to at least three people whose names I didn’t know (at least once), and then I was free to fade back and recharge for a bit. Luckily, the people I sat with seemed like they were of similar mindsets to myself. Our extended family is pretty big, so the majority of my cousins and aunts and such? I’ve often not met them or have long-since forgotten much about them. However, unsurprisingly, they were more than open to talking and getting (re)acquainted. It’s something I should have expected, but I really had to remind myself that it’s okay to just start with “Hi. I’m {Xellarant}. May I ask what your name is?”.
Also, if the first mission goes smoothly, you can always tack on another one of similar size. In my example it was “dance for at least 1 song”.
3. Take micro-breaks without disappearing.
You don’t need to vanish for 30 minutes. Sometimes just stepping outside for 60 seconds or grabbing a drink resets your brain enough to stay present. This is especially helpful when you start overthinking about whether or not you’re engaging enough or how well you’re succeeding in your mission(s). It also gives both you and your anchor buddy enough space to potentially have random encounters with others and up your score for social engagement.
4. Let yourself be quiet.
You don’t have to be “on” the whole time. Sometimes being a calm observer is more than enough, and most people won’t even notice — they’re focused on their own experience. I love people-watching sometimes. Constantly being the center of attention is honestly exhausting to me, so sometimes I like to fall back and just enjoy witnessing the joy of others, and that’s okay. It’s easy to forget, but sometimes we have to remind ourselves that it’s enough to simply be present without always doing or being more for the sake of others.
5. Celebrate the small wins.
If you showed up, stayed longer than you felt like, or talked to even one new person, that counts. That’s a win.
If you danced a little or smiled at a stranger, that also counts. That’s a win.
And if you achieved a mission you set for yourself at all? That’s a big win. Please celebrate.
Social stuff isn’t easy for everyone. But moments like this remind me that the same tools we use to navigate conventions, tournaments, and other geek-culture spaces work just as well in everyday life. At conventions, it’s often easier for me to see, but: each person next to you or behind you or across the hall isn’t the scary creature that they might seem. They’re people just like you with their own thoughts and insecurities, and, most likely, their own interests and hobbies that align with some of your own.
If you deal with social anxiety too, what tends to be most difficult for you at such times? And what helps you get through events like these?